The Best Partner For Me

Question Gus was asked on Quora: How can I tell if I really want to be with someone or if I am just desperate for attention?

Reply: It’s easy to get confused about this. All sorts of emotional baggage from the past can get mixed up in what you’re feeling now and so make it really difficult to know your true feelings.

Looking over the answers given to this question so far, I see most of them recommend a logical approach of assessing how much you care about the other person, etc. But this is easier said than done.

It might be compulsions dictating your love for the person, for instance, making you feel you can’t live without them. When you’re in such a manic state, it certainly feels like you care about them, even if it is compulsive rather than authentic.

There are many variations on this, how instinctive reactions can obscure our true feelings and desires, but there is one guideline about love that I have found very useful over the years. I first taught it to my three daughters as each one started dating, and they found it so helpful that I have been sharing it with others ever since.

It is simply this rule of thumb: do not look to see how much you love the other person in a relationship, but rather look to see how much you like yourself when you are with them.

If they bring out the best in you, then you know you are in a healthy relationship. If not, then keep on looking for a suitable match: because the one you’re with is not it!

Only a few of Gus’s answers on Quora have been copied to this blog. To see more of his insights on Quora click here.
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Posted April 7, 2019 at 2:27 pm by Gus Griffin · Permalink
In: Misc