Tis nobler to focus than suffer

Question asked on Quora today:  Who is anxiousexual? How to overcome this?  

Reply from Gus Griffin: The human brain automatically, instinctively fears unfamiliar activities before it accepts them. Sometimes this phase is passed quickly and easily, but sometimes it takes real work to get beyond it.

Lots of younger kids experience fear of the ball when they are just getting started in Little League baseball – and for some this fear can persist, continuing to interfere with the player’s performance, for years. Some people experience anxiety and even fear when trying to learn how to drive a car – and continue to be timid, anxious drivers for a long time to come.

Anxiety associated with the various activities involved with physical mating—flirting, dating, kissing, caressing, petting, foreplay, lovemaking, etc—is no different. It’s all the same stuff.

The functional difference with sexual anxiety, however, is that it’s not as easy to work through your anxieties by continually repeating the activity that makes you anxious. It’s a lot easier to get someone to play catch with you than it is to get them to go to bed with you. Or is it?

Joking aside, you can work through quite a bit of anxiety with just role playing it out with a friend. (It may seem ridiculous at first, but if you persist past the giggles it will definitely help to reduce nervousness.) All deliberate imaginary practice helps to develop the pertinent brain circuitry past the early phobic phase of neural development.

What you mustn’t do is continue to avoid the activity – you must push yourself into doing whatever you can make yourself do until gradually it starts to get easier. Like Bill Murray in What About Bob?: baby steps.

Google “how to overcome nerves” and you should find various things you can to do to de-stress about it even before you find a willing sexual partner.

And you can always pay for a sex therapist to help you work through all of this.

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Posted September 8, 2019 at 11:54 am by Gus Griffin · Permalink
In: Misc